“Pray tell, Milady,” said the deep booming
Voice of the powerful young man with zeal,
Hand on hilt, at the ready to defend
The distressed damsels’ honor, “what accursed
Trickery is afoot here?” Tears never
Flowed so hard, so sad, and so pitiful.
Sobbing and shaking like a child lost
From its mother, lips quivering, afraid,
Desperately alone, she answers him,

“An evil Witch that knows my stepmother
Well, has cast on me a wicked spell, that
Bound by this chain of gold I shall remain,
Until I starve, die and wither away,
Or am eaten by some rapacious beast.”
Interrupting as men who want to save
The day often do, the man unsheathed his
Sword and said “Then fear not for I will use
My sword to cut thy chain and set thee free”

“Oh, if only it were that simple sir,
This tests the wits of men, the chain cannot
Be broken, I may be freed only by
A kiss, from a man who is pure of heart
And intention, who can resist looking
Into my lovely eyes, then the chain will
Melt into a fortune of gold and I
Will be rich and free, happy evermore”
He thought she finished but she continued,

Everything happens for a reason true,
This moment was the reason he was born,
The reason he endured a lifetime of
Ridicule, teased by all of his school chums
Left out from all their games, never knowing
The sweet petal soft kiss of a woman.

He said, “I am a man whose heart is pure,
As I have never with a woman laid,
I am Clarence the cross-eyed lion heart,
And this, Milady is our lucky day.”

Tears then ceased, she smiled, the way women so
Often do when about to get their way,

Clarence the cross-eyed lion heart took her
In his arms and kissed her firmly on her
Petal pure lips. The curse was now broken,
The princess was free and Clarence was rich
Beyond all belief. At the grandest of
Ceremonies, before townspeople and
Luminaries alike, said their “I do’s”.

Eighteen months into their bliss she consumed
Everything in sight and gained a hundred
And twenty seven pounds, incessantly
Bitching about a pea under her bed.